Thursday, June 07, 2007

LID 18 Months Today




So as of today my dossier has now been logged in with the CCAA for 18 months. I think we all know why I am not feeling happier.... First off I want to say that I in NO WAY mean to rain on any ones parade. I am so happy for all of you LUCKY families that have finally had your dreams come true! I can't wait to see all of the beautiful pictures and hear how you are coming along as you get ready for your trips and share in just a little bit of your excitement. Seeing your dreams come true is a big part of what keeps me going.

I can no longer live on the theory of waiting to see what happens next time to guesstimate what my chances may be. 6 days this time and 6 days last time probably indicates a trend. I'm not going to try and guess when Abby's referral might come anymore either. I have now had my hopes dashed one time too many. This snails pace is killing me! With every month that referrals are issued I have to add one more month to my wait. I am in a freaking standstill. I feel like I am not making any progress and I don't know who to feel sorrier for me or the people that are in line behind me. The thought of spending yet another Christmas without her really makes me ill.

I feel like I have lost my happy place. I have tried for the most part for so long now to remain positive. Now I'm just tired . Tired of hoping and daring to believe only to be shot down yet again later. I am sorry for this negative downer post. I truly am happy for all of the new families out there. I just wish things would speed up for the rest of us.


28 comments:

Abby in Massachusetts said...

I know it doesn't help much, but sending huuuuge e-hugs your way.


One day at a time, that's all you can do....

Elisa, Jarrod & Thomas said...

Happy 18th LID-iversary.
I hope the next batches are big and they get to you fast.
Hugs to you and BTW we just posted about the call!

Kim said...

Let's throw a pity party!!!

*snip*
The thought of spending yet another Christmas without her really makes me ill.

No kidding. Another Christmas and no kiddo? I don't know if I can handle that.

tracy said...

You are so stinkin' close! Happy 18 months closer to your girl!

Julie said...

I wish there was something I could do to help. Please know we are thinking of you. Hang in there sweetie!

Laura said...

I know the adoption journey is full of extreme highs and lows. It's okay to feel low, just know that your time is coming and when you first see your daughter's sweet face you will forget all the sad times instantly. Hang in there a little longer. :)

Eliza2006 said...

The closer I got to referral the harder the wait became. Hang in there!

Tiffany
Yes, Eliza still sucks her thumb! It's the best tasting thumb in the whole world!

Sherry Mc said...

Oh Jenny, it's like the last month of pregnancy,so close but so far - you can't imagine it will ever end, but it will and I am so excited to know I will be right there with you. Love you, mom

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

Happy 18 months. I hope you find your happy place again, I know this wait can get pretty "Crappy".
Velcro hugs ;O)

Made in China said...

Sending you a big hug. Believe it or not it will happen! It just happened for us!!

Joannah said...

Jenny, your feelings are totally understandable! Don't apologize. For your well-being, I hope you are able to return to a place of peace in your heart. I will be thinking about you!

Stacy said...

It does stink. There is no question. I wish I had something wise to say.
Hold on a little longer!
*HUGS*

Happy 18.

Donna said...

It would be bizarre if you didn't get down about this every once in awhile. There's really nothing to say except hang in there....it will be your turn to celebrate soon!

Anonymous said...

Jenny,

I wish there was something I could do or say....please know i am thinking about you and i f there is anything I can do to help...I will....Hang in there.....

Love, Randi

Stephe said...

I hear ya! My post was a bummer too but you know that. Sorry, it didn't help cheer anyone up but know that you are NOT ALONE with the way you feel.
I'm not happy or sad...more like numb to the process.
Think of it this way, had you been logged in in Feb 06 (like me) you would automatically tack on 1 more year. 12/7 is not too far away. I am really sure that you'll have Abby for Christmas! ((Big Hugs)) Stephe

Lisa and Doug said...

This wait is so awful and grueling. I really wish things would speed up. Thinking of you.

I am still gonna say happy 18 months down!

Robin said...

Happy 18th LID-iversary. I totally understand your heartache. So close and yet so far away. I have a feeling our wait is going to get close to 30 months. (very depressing indeed)

Doris & Dan said...

Happy 18 Months!

Hugs!

Keep smilin!

Sandwitchedin said...

It WILL happen. Soon you will be counting the days down to meeting Abbey instead of counting the days up since LID.

Love You!!!

Aunt Debbie

Sandwitchedin said...

Sorry....I know I should proof-read. Abby not Abbey

;-)

Lisa said...

Jenny I know how you're feeling and I just want to hug you and tell you to tie a knot at the end of your rope and just keep swinging. Don't apologize for feeling down but know that we're all here for you.

(((Hugs)))

Happy 18th.

Lisa

Journey to Mia said...

I feel the same way. This wait just sucks! Each month I just get more and more depressed about it. It seems like time should be ticking away but as you said - with each month that goes by we are adding another month on to our wait. Doesn't make sense really but that is the way it is. I just don't understand it and my heart is aching too. I too do not know if I will be able to handle another Christmas without our daughter. Last Christmas was just too hard.
Sending you *HUGS*

Melissa said...

You are getting close - I know you don't want to hear that, but you are!!
I'd trade my 15 for your 18!!!

kris said...

I'd say happy 18 but I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear. I'm sorry it's come to this- that you feel this frustrated and worn out from the long wait. My hope is that when your day comes, you'll forget the pain of this part of your "labor" (of love) and it will hit you- OH, so THIS is why I waited so long- so that I could be HER mom! Hang in there friend. She WILL come. Promise.

Celebrate life in the meantime. And raise a glass to one more month down.

Colleen said...

18 months is HUGE! Our wait was just over 18 months. I am so sorry you lost your happy place. It will come back I promise you it will. Sending big giant hugs to you.

amy said...

xkdmpaOh my friend, I hope you find your happy place again.

Praying for you

Amy
LID 4/23/07

C.J. said...

Let it not be too many more. I feel for you, friend.

Ann said...

First off, Congratualtions on making it this far. We all, all of us in this forever waiting game, feel the same pain. It's hard to keep that happy place, when you never see the light. It's okay to feel this way. But you are so close. They can NOT take that away from you. You will have Abby in your arms. I too feel the dread about Christmas with out our child. I just told hubby that I'm not putting up a tree this year. But I have faith that it will happen. It has to happen, you have come so far. There's no turning back even when you feel like giving up. Abby is waiting for you!!