So as of today my dossier has now been logged in with the CCAA for 18 months. I think we all know why I am not feeling happier.... First off I want to say that I in NO WAY mean to rain on any ones parade. I am so happy for all of you LUCKY families that have finally had your dreams come true! I can't wait to see all of the beautiful pictures and hear how you are coming along as you get ready for your trips and share in just a little bit of your excitement. Seeing your dreams come true is a big part of what keeps me going.
I can no longer live on the theory of waiting to see what happens next time to guesstimate what my chances may be. 6 days this time and 6 days last time probably indicates a trend. I'm not going to try and guess when Abby's referral might come anymore either. I have now had my hopes dashed one time too many. This snails pace is killing me! With every month that referrals are issued I have to add one more month to my wait. I am in a freaking standstill. I feel like I am not making any progress and I don't know who to feel sorrier for me or the people that are in line behind me. The thought of spending yet another Christmas without her really makes me ill.
I feel like I have lost my happy place. I have tried for the most part for so long now to remain positive. Now I'm just tired . Tired of hoping and daring to believe only to be shot down yet again later. I am sorry for this negative downer post. I truly am happy for all of the new families out there. I just wish things would speed up for the rest of us.