Monday, April 20, 2009
And there it was..
It was bound to happen and I knew this going into Abby's adoption as a single. What I didn't know was how much it was going to hurt when it finally did happen. Abby will be two and a half next month. I didn't foresee this happening quite so soon. I know. I'm naive. We were on our way to school this morning and out of the blue I hear from the back seat, "Where is Abby's Daddy?" GULP!! I felt a knot in my throat and I teared up but quickly told her that we didn't have a Daddy. I went on to say that Abby has a Uncle Pete, Uncle Chris, Da , Uncle Hootie (Hughie), Uncle Trey and Grandad. And how lucky she was and she agreed with a "Yeah" then started talking about something else. We were late so I didn't have much time to think about it but after I picked her up as we were driving home there it was again. She kind of mumbled it quietly this time. I told her that not everybody has a Daddy. I told her that some people only had a Mommy. She said, "Yeah" then started naming some of her classmates and talking about their Mommy's and Daddy's. Then the conversation changed. Then tonight as we were laying in bed there it was again. "Where is Abby's Daddy?" I teared up again but answered as before. We started talking about her classmates and she would name who did and didn't have a Daddy. I'm guessing by who she See's come pick them up? We again talked about how some people have Mommy's and Daddy's and some only have Mommy's or Daddy's. She seemed to except this but then repeated again, "Where is Abby's Daddy?" I always thought going in to this adoption that my being her Mommy would be good enough. Sure I hoped and still do that Mr Right would eventually turn up and sweep us both away on his white horse. And if he didn't we would still be okay because I love her so much. That all changed after I met her though. The Daddy thing has been my biggest guilt since having her at home. She is just so wonderful and I think she deserves nothing but the best. To me the best includes a Daddy. I breaks my heart that I can't give her that. I can't imagine what has been going on inside her sweet little head. I wonder what triggered her to ask 3 times in one day and why today???? I'm open to any suggestions on how to handle this. Especially any age appropriate books on this sensitive subject. I just love her so much and I want her to grow up secure and confidant . And like I said. I knew the issue was bound to surface but I really thought it wouldn't be until she was a little older.